With transition comes many things. Some of them are exciting, new and refreshing. Others are like an empty space in your heart, a hole in your life.
I had started this post a month ago when I was preparing to leave for Georgia. I had ideas, pictures, and thoughts I wanted to post on here. Time passed and I did not finish it nor publish it. Perhaps I avoided it. Some of those images and ideas seem irrelevant at this point so I deleted them, but I want finish this post with some similar thoughts. Its okay, its good to acknowledge loss. I was realizing this as I was preparing to drive south a month ago. During this time I was also reading the chapter Enlarge your soul through grief and loss in Emotionally Healthy Spirituality by Peter Scazzero. Perhaps that is why it was so on my mind. We need to look at and acknowledge loss. Loss of all shapes and sizes. It is not good to speed past it or act like it is not there. As my responsibilities came to an end, I was thinking about the things I was losing and was about to lose. My losses aren’t permanent devastating losses, but they still are important to see and acknowledge. Losses can add up. My losses add up. They change my actions, thoughts, locations, connections. My losses include weekly rhythms with others in Massachusetts: Wednesday night teen small groups, getting to know the teen girls, picking up Bryanna, Bible study, family dinners, Sunday morning breakfast, time with friends, brother hugs, Hallmark with Mom & Dad, laughing with Landon, missing out on holding a new born “nephew,” building friendships and more. These losses leave a hole in my heart as well as my going has made a hole in theirs.
I have driven through seven states stopping at three different locations. I have arrived to a beautiful home and to a wonderful host. I’ve been in Clarkston for three days and I have felt a variety of feelings. From feeling tired, out of place, & empty to being energized, filled, and at home. I have been amazed at God’s grace and light within some friendships. I am acknowledging my losses, but I am also seeing the gains I’ve already had and will have in the coming months. Losses can open up space for gains. I sit here with an open heart & mind asking God to use me on all my days the weary and the peaceful. He is moving, may I be willing to move with Him in what He is already doing. Here. and Beyond.