Sarah Jean Dresser
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Goals vs Challenges

5/27/2016

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​I woke up this morning thinking about the difference between goals and challenges. I have an adverse tense feeling towards the word and idea of setting goals. I am more open and willing to accept or create a challenge. Why is this? Aren’t they basically thing the same thing? It seems they are quite similar to me. Something is set before you and you work towards doing, accomplishing, or participating in it. You can fail, you can succeed, but you work towards it. Maybe thats it. Maybe its my view of a goal doesn’t have the same freedom that I see in a challenge. For me a challenge has a freedom of how to get it done,  of it could be hard,  of maybe it won’t happen, and of it can change as necessary. Its about the process, the overcoming. My perception of goals is more stagnant and cold. Goals are set. They need to be known in advance. They have a full stop. They are an end. Transitioning from one to another is hard. Maybe this definition isn’t true, but I think it is behind some of the internal rejection I have of the word, the idea, the action of goal setting and accomplishing. 

I like the idea of a challenge, a call to battle, a fight. It gears me up and sets me out. I’m not much of a fighter in the physical sense. I don't like disagreements, war, hurt, pain, or destruction. But I think I am a fighter for certain things. For friendship, for beauty, for art, for understanding, for Spiritual matters, for emotional health, for encouraging others, for restoration of our broken world, for seeing and knowing our Creator and Savior Jesus within these things.  

Maybe its time for me to be intentional to accept and make some new challenges this coming week. I wonder what challenges need to be set before me this week. 

Do you have any specific thoughts or feelings about Goals or Challenges?  What challenge will you accept this week?
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Voice Lessons

5/25/2016

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​process. For someone who did not grow up with any music or voice background, listening to voice lessons can be a little odd, a little uncommon sounding. I have heard of vocal warm ups and have seen some of my theater/singing friends do them, but honestly I have barely experience them and don’t fully get them. I understand they are part of what you do, but only from an outsiders point of view. I wonder are they really necessary and how do people actually do them on a regular basis. The thought of me doing them makes me nervous and unsure. Making sounds like that (as well as singing in general) is calling for attention. Its making yourself vulnerable, heard, and seen. Its easier to stay in the background. Perhaps it has less to do with sounds and instead more to do with pride and vulnerability (and a lack of discipline). To do things like that you have to be willing to look and sound odd or unusual to some people, to non-voice people, to those not participating with you. You need to be willing to be vulnerable in order to warmup and sing wherever you are no matter who is or is not around. You need to be willing to do it regularly, consistently. You need to be willing to be noticed, seen, and looked at while you are using your voice. 

I have wanted to get better at singing. To be more confident with my voice and knowing how to use it. I don’t want to be a great singer, on stage, or anything. I just want to have a little more confidence and willingness to set a certain tone or atmosphere around me sometimes. I want to use my voice to do some of that, but at this point I will not. I will not because I am not willing to be disciplined in doing the little things - in warming up, in practice, in learning something new, in looking silly while trying, in failing, in risking the unknown. Maybe someday I will be, but at this point. It isn’t a main priority to do it vocally right now. I do want to be willing to be disciplined and vulnerable, I am just not there yet. I haven’t followed through to this point yet nor sought out a way of really learning to use my voice or having real accountability. At this point I do not have the ambition to do what is necessary to know what my voice can do or how to use it.
​I am continuing to learn some of the ways God has given me a voice and how to use it. Right now they are through art, words, time, action, and friendships. May I learn to really use my actual voice someday.

May you be willing to use what Jesus has given you to speak and share him. In whatever ways that looks and sounds like. 

How do you like to use your voice? 
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Saying No for others

5/18/2016

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​In a conversation with Harris iii, I was explaining how my natural tendency is to tell myself it won’t work before I even ask the question. He replied, “so you say no for others?” My initial internal and verbal response was “no, I don’t do that... its more like I say no to myself,” but then his words sunk in. 

You are correct, Harris. Yes, its true. I tend to say no for others. I don’t give them the option to decide for themselves. I don’t give them the opportunity to speak into my life nor into the lives of those lives around me. I don’t let them consider answering the question with a yes, no, maybe, or imagination. Instead I say, “No... it cant happen. Its not possible. It won’t work. Here are all the reasons why so I won’t even ask.” 

I don’t ask the question. I don’t hear the real answer. I don’t let myself be vulnerable. I don’t speak out. When I say “no” in this way, I am not only saying no for people but I am also saying no for God - not allowing him the space to move in my life and the lives of those around me. I am closing off (though he can move without my yes) the opportunity to experience His works. There are many times where the answer could be a yes, or a maybe or lead to something even better, but I in those places I wouldn’t know because I stopped the answer before the question was created, put into words, before it was spoken. But not this time. This time I asked, and let him answer, I let them answer.

Thank you Harris for answering my message. For calling. For listening to me. For asking questions. For being willing to try to make it work if the situation & time allow. Thank you for your and your employee’s time and quick response. I appreciate that. I appreciate you. 

Thank you for that one phrase that stuck with me. That one phrase I disputed in my heart before realizing it has held some truth. But it was not the truth for this time. This time I said, Yes. I said yes to the Holy Spirit and Yes to asking. I say yes to hearing whatever the full answer back will be. I already appreciate the not yet full answer. I feel good about what I’ve seen and heard so far.

Thank you Holy Spirit for moving me forward. Moving me closer to you.
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Glimpse

5/11/2016

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​I walked up Stone Mountain yesterday with a friend. I’ve been up to the top many times, but I’m not sure I’ve gone beyond reaching the top. I don’t even think I have ever been in the building up there. Perhaps I had been inside the first time I went to Stone Mountain six years ago, but I’m not sure. My friend and I went towards the building and stepped onto the balcony. We were looking out over that side of the mountain when I saw a woman I had seen earlier. She was coming from behind the building in between two fences. It didn’t even dawn on me that not only you could go back there, but to even go there. Once I saw her I wanted to go in that area. I had realized that area wasn’t fenced off and I had never been there. There are many areas that are fenced off. Some that are closer to the edge and some that are protecting certain types of plant life. But there are also many areas that are not blocked off.

I wanted to go where these two fences did not connect or block. There was a path in between them. My friend did not want to go there. She followed me a ways, but stood off in the distance watching me from a ways off. I walked up close to the fence and turned towards the way I wanted to go. This fence wasn’t near the edge and I wasn’t crossing the fence or breaking any rules but she stood watching me from the distance. I wanted to go forward with her. I did not want to leave her or go alone. I saw her hesitation and holding back. I called her towards me saying it was okay. When I glanced back at her I saw pieces of myself and things I have done in the past. I saw places I had been nervous whether it was because of safety or because I felt like the “rules” said we can’t. I remembered the feeling of holding back.  I wasn’t sure of her reasons of holding back, but it appeared to me like she was afraid. It appeared to me that she was afraid because of rules. To me there was nothing scary about what was physically going on. We were not near the outer fence and even the outer fence was not anywhere near the edge. 

I finally got her to come closer to me and we were disagreeing on whether to go on or not. I conceded saying, “well, I can come back another time by myself so I will just do it then.” But she didn’t want to be left out, she wanted to go with me even though she was afraid to go. Right about then a man walked past us and headed the direction I wanted to go. Seeing him she felt more confident and safe to go so we headed behind him. Someone else was going before us. We walked by those two fences, but then my friend held back again. The man quickly disappeared from our view as he followed the outer fence.  I walked down the rock towards that outer fence. She stood at a distance. I waved her towards me a couple of times, urging her to come near. She got a little closer, but overall stayed pretty far away from the fence. We did go on a bit further but she stayed higher up on the rock while I walked near the outer fence.
​In these moments, I saw a glimpse of myself in two ways:

I often need someone to go before me. I’m the type of person who doesn’t think to even do things. Its not always that I won’t, but that I just don’t think of it. When I see someone else doing it or have done it, it opens my eyes to consider the possibility of that. and more. 

I also often hold back. I am afraid... afraid of a lack of safety, of breaking rules, of what people think, of uncertainty, of more.

This experience makes me wonder: Where have I held back? Where have I stood at a distance not only with friends, but with God? With Jesus? Where does He go before me and call me to follow. Where is He saying, “Its okay, its safe, your not breaking anything I have set before you, you will be okay.” Where is he waving me forward? Where do I stand at a distance taking a few steps ahead, but afraid to move closer into the “danger” zone? 

Where have you? Where do you need move closer to?
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​I want to move forward with Him. Following His lead.
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