About one year ago my car was rear ended and deemed totaled. I did not feel comfortable buying another car right away for numerous reasons including not wanting to have car debt again. I didn’t know how things would go without a car, but I quickly learned that God was taking care of me before I ever had a problem. In the 50 weeks I haven’t had my car, I’ve only gone the last 3 weeks without a vehicle that was essentially mine to use regularly. Yes, you read correctly. Only 3 weeks. I basically used four cars owned by others during those 47 weeks. And even now that I am without a car I still have a bicycle that was given to me a few months before my car was ruined. And friends that will drive me when needed. Loosing that car has brought newness to me and reminded me of some old lessons.
My last three cars have been taken away from me in similar, but different ways. All pretty sudden and none of them due to anything of my fault. The first time it happened, I realized how much trust and security I had in my car. I loved that car. I miss that car. It was my favorite. My home away from home. It was reliable and the one I had the longest. We had many memories together. We drove across the country together. It represented many things to me including my freedom and ability to travel. It was MY space. It was MINE. It was something I had control over... well, until I didn’t.
Losing that car prepared me for the loss of the last two cars, especially last year. After getting rear ended, I thought it would get fixed and the car would go on. I soon found out that was not the case. I didn’t want to lose it, but I had to let it go. It was done even though it was still drivable and I was done with the insurance company. Right before it got towed away, I received a surprising phone call from a colleague - a new friend. This friend basically told me that I could have the car that he, that his family had. I was surprised, confused, and listened to what he had to say. Over those next few weeks I saw God do more in my heart through their loving generosity. Most of it had nothing to do with a car and more of it had to do with some old pain that needed a little healing. That healing came in unexpected ways. Unexpected ways through loss, through this friend, through tears and laughter, through miscommunication and discussion, through my trusting and letting go. I lost, but I also gained. I gained a friendship, an older brother, family.
A year later if you told me I could have my car, but not the healing, friendship, and connection I have gained, I would choose too loose my car again. Though that choice wasn't so hard cause up until 3 weeks ago I still enjoyed the regular use of a car. It was someone else's car, but I still had a car... well, until I didn't. The car I was using stopped working. The owner had already bought a new car and she decided to junk this one since it wasn’t worth putting more money into. My freedom was gone again.
Since then I’ve learned to ride my bicycle more, in rain, in shine, and when I don't want to. Sometimes I give into the I really don't want to ride a bike today and ask for a ride. Or I need to go somewhere that is too far. I don't want to ask. I don't want to have to rely on someone else. I don't want to inconvenience or make someone else’s busy life even busier. But sometimes I do ask. Most of the time I honestly would rather just do it on my own and have the freedom to get up and go as needed, when wanted. Asking and relying on others is hard. I need to rely on others. I need to trust others. I need to be vulnerable with others. We all do.
Also having no car is prompting me to see many of those around me who do not have a car, who rely on public transportation, walking, or the generosity of others. Its helping me appreciate what I have had and connections and resources I currently still have.
All of this is reminding me of the One who takes cares for more then just my seen needs. I'm seen. You are seen. We together are seen.
Where have you seen healing in unexpected ways?
What resources and connections do you have right now?
How can you SEE someone today?