The other day I envisioned my year like a clock. Instead of seeing it like a rectangle, like a calendar, still and boxed in, I began to see it like a circle, like a clock, a repeating cycle, open. Yes, I know life on earth is a cycle and has seasons, but this epiphany was more specific to MY LIFE, as it is, right now. As my life actually is and not how it was or how I thought it could be. The last few years have had some of the same major events and experiences as a part of them. I value and enjoy these moments but sometimes there is a weight on me that makes it feel like life shouldn’t be this way. That I shouldn’t have such an all over the place schedule. That I should focus on one thing. I have been internally “should”ing myself for a while now. For example, I like teaching children art. I teach art classes, then why don’t I have an art studio that is open all the time and focus much of my time and energy on that. I “should” do that or something like it. I don’t really want to though. I realized that I enjoy having that time, but I also enjoy the short spurt of it. I enjoy a mix of other things as well. Will I have an art studio or teach art more regularly someday, maybe. Right now, art and creativity are woven throughout my life and that is enough. Is there one aspect of it something I really need to focus on or am really called to focus on? I don’t know. We’ll see.
My life, what I actually have had for the last few years is clock that has rotated through the months. It has included many events regularly in those months. Some major ones shown in the picture above. I’ve been in a process of letting go of all the “should’s” and “could have beens.” I’ve been not only seeing but also embracing what I actually have wondering how I can really work it. Moving with my life instead of fighting and pushing against it. It’s different than it was, it’s different than I wanted, but it’s good and I enjoy it and I am thankful.
Similarly, I am embracing my new hair cut. It’s different than what I have had for the last fifteen years and its different than I wanted, but it’s what I got. It has its quirks but it’s cute and I enjoy it. I can fight the quirks or I can embrace them and work them for my benefit, my beauty.
What pieces of your life do you need to stop fighting against. What do you need to see in a new way and embrace?